She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
