Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
