Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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