I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Randomize
