Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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