Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize