I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
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