Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
