im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
