there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
