whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize