Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
