I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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