woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
