I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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