the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
