where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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