I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
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