you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
