You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
