Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
