K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Alive.
So much puke
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
