I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
