i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize