College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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