Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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