dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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