Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
