Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
