Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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