omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
