Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
