Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
