i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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