well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
