can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
You ruined the universe
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
