You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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