she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
i believe in u and ur pee
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