these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
