So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
