I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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