Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize