Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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