You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Randomize
