I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
