they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
