seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
