I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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