I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
high people should be assigned attendants
We need to rekindle our bromance
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
i think i just lost a toe
well, you know. whores of a feather.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
