I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
