guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
