some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
