my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize