brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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