Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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