i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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