I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
