Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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