I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
