you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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