Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Randomize
