Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
why do cheetos always look like penises
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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