I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
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