I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
