jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize
