Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
