so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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