New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
