I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
