I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
